Sunday, March 27, 2011

Try driving a wagon up and down a mountain... with a migraine.

As much as I'd love to live 150 years ago, I'm not sure I could live without certain technologies. Like an ER. Or hot doctors. Or really, 5 hours of people watching entertainment.
I had the pleasure of going to the ER last week. Honestly, I was a little excited about getting to go somewhere alone. I had a horrible migraine; the worst I've ever had. I couldn't talk in a normal fashion and felt like I had a slight case of amnesia. I sat in the waiting room for 5 hours. It was packed except for the sole chair next to me. Of course that means that when the drunk homeless man comes in to sober and warm up,  I get the luxury of smelling him and listening to his babble. He came in with a backpack full of Reeses Peanut Buttercups. He handed them out to most of the chicks in the waiting room. I refused it, but had to wonder how he got a backpack full of them. If he is so clever to hijack a Reeses truck, he should really look into joining up with the mafia. He could go far.
I ignored him for the most part. He was asking everyone what they were in for and what medication they thought they'd get from the doctor. I told him I was there for my head. He went on about how he had the same problem and he understood how bad it was when doctors weren't helpful. It took a few minutes of his rambling before I realized he was talking about his pain would only be under control by jumping off of a bridge. That's great. Maybe I should have been more specific about what was ailing my own head, but then I wouldn't have anything to write about :)
I went back to ignoring him and that didn't settle with him. He reached over and grabbed my leg and said, "Hey gorgeous, I'm going to tell them I'm your husband and you need to be seen right now. I can't stand to see gorgeous women in pain". For the next 60 seconds, I felt no pain. I could speak clearly. I could speak loudly. I could throw my finger up in his face and be intimidating. I'm still wondering why the full waiting room just sat and watched. He did listen to me and got up to move, but his pants slowed him down a bit. Oh yes, he had his pants undone. A few minutes later a cop came and escorted him out.
The nurse later told me that they have to watch him because he waits for people outside and asks about their prescriptions and try to get their good stuff. And to think I thought the guy forging his own prescriptions and carrying a knife into the pharmacy was bad. Maybe the world was a better place in the 1800's, when anyone could buy Laudanum through a catalog. When did the world start caring more about the person at risk for overdosing or suicide, and caring less for the innocent bystanders? God gave us free will for a reason, right?


  1. LOL! Charlotte, this post made my day thank you!

  2. HAHA! You are awesome! I can hear your voice through your words! Miss ya tons!